Just Sayin'...

Until You’re Mine

Stop the World

Give Your Heart a Break

Made in the U.S.A.

#repeat

BUT…

Gonna Get Caught

Quiet

Together

Firestarter

#skip

Ultimately, though…

Don’t Forget, La La Land

Catch Me, World of Chances, Remember December

Unbroken, For the Love of a Daughter

Heart Attack, In Case, Shouldn’t Come Back

#alsorepeating

Best friends means bull shit.

Still don’t have an overall conclusion about “Demi” or how I’m comparing it to Unbroken, but I already like it better than I did upon initial listens and I am absolutely in love with “Made in the USA.”  It’s perf, so I really hope that’s her next single.

I have friends in town or else I would be playing it on repeat this entire day.  I still probably will repeat it a good deal.

Also, “Shouldn’t Come Back” is amazing as is “In Case.”  

In fact, I only really have beef with “Neon Lights” (but I think it’s lyrically strong is the thing; it’s just that obnoxious Rihanna-esque music) and “Firestarter” (also too modern pop for me as well).  But I hate “Together” from Unbroken even more than those songs combined, so lol

And okay, I have slight beef with “Never Been Hurt”, only because it is literally the exact same song as “Unbroken” haha Down to the strong chord progression that would translate really well in an acoustic cover, but is presented as electronic pop in the actual song, but of course really the subject matter of the song.   

Like, the chorus. “I’m gonna love you like I’ve never been broken” versus “I will love you like I’ve never been hurt.”  Um? lol

It’s cute, though.  Demi really wants someone to know that she’s going to love them comprehensively, despite her past troubles with love.  But I mean, it’s still the same song.  Except I like Unbroken better - it was my 2nd favorite song on that album.

Anyway, let me listen to this album another fifteen times before I rate it and decide if I like it better than Unbroken.  Which I might, because I ended up really not liking Unbroken that much - just several songs.  The rest I’d skip.  And let’s be real - a lot of those songs were not good.  Because she didn’t write a lot on it.  And Demi can construct a solid melody and is a good lyricist, and I think that does show on “Demi.”  I can connect to this album more because of that, so I probably will ultimately like it more than Unbroken (but let’s be real - that’s not very hard haha)

Nothing beats “Here We Go Again”, though.  But I know Demi was aiming to be mainstream with this album, so as far as a mainstream album goes, it is really good on that spectrum.

But one day, I hope she goes back to emotional raw pop rock, because that will probably be her best album yet.

Oh my gosh, Demi (Lovato, not Moore) has so many of the same mannerisms, quirks and general demeanor of the first girl I fell in love with (like legit love - none of that stereotypical teenage stuff, but something that left me affected for so many years after).  It is so weird.  And unsettling. 

And explains so much.

It’s so freakin’ uncanny, though.

That easy-going sass with that goofy cuteness drives me just as crazy now as it did 7 years ago.  Geeze.

(Demi has a better smile, though).

Despite a solid day yesterday, I was in an awful mood last night (that time of the month…sigh) and thus was kind of wary about what this day would bring.  I had a full plate scheduled, between church then a full day of shooting my short film (and self-producing and directing a short film with minimal, unpaid crew and no budget is ridiculously stressful), plus I have been getting such little sleep so I wasn’t sure how it would go.

But the day turned out to be amazing.  I could just feel God drawing me so much closer to Him this morning during an incredible church service (if you’re ever in LA, you have to check out Reality LA - absolutely amazing, Spirit-filled church).  And it’s so good to just worship Him.  To express my heart to Him.  My appreciation, dedication and love for Him.  I love it so much.

Then man, I just love making movies.  The first three days (spread out over a few weeks) of doing this short film have been unnecessarily stressful due to creative conflicts with whom I originally had as my DP as well as last-minute cancellations of actors and such, so with that weighing down on me, it makes filmmaking feel more like a hassle or duty.

But today - wow.  It really brought me back to that place of absolute love of this.  And just that amazing feeling of “I was really meant to do this.”  There were a few things great about it.  This time around, my DP and I seem to have the same idea of what we want to visually accomplish, which makes the process so much more enjoyable and natural.  I had a few more extra hands on set, too, which sure beats me having to direct, AD, AC and sound mix (yes, I did all of those positions the first two days of shooting on this project).

Also I worked with amazing actors.  One of which is my bestest friend, Nina, whom I’ve been casting in my films since we were both students at NYU four years ago.  And it made me so grateful that God not only brought us into each other’s lives, but kept us in each other’s lives, from New York to Los Angeles so we’re able to still making movies together.  It’s such a pleasure working with her, and it’s always blast on set (because we’re hilarious and entertaining, of course).  Plus she’s a fantastic actress, which is bonus.

Also have been working with another friend of mine who is just spectacular, a hilarious joy to have on set, and is going to NYU this Fall, which has Nina and I completely excited, of course!  He’s seriously amazing in the role, and it excites me to see what he does in each take.  This is going to turn out so well!

We didn’t even get to finish one scene because a woman in the next apartment building over from mine claimed our camera was pointing into her window as she was coming out of the shower (what? First off, why do you have your window open as you’re coming out of the shower anyway? Secondly, that simply wasn’t true, and we have the footage to prove it) so the apartment manager more or less threatened to call the police if we didn’t skidaddle.  But in spite of that, I still had a blast doing what i love, and I trust that God uses everything for good, so it’ll work out.

It did suck, though, because we got some seriously amazing footage!  But oh well, we’ll just have to duplicate it, and maybe it’ll look even better the second time around!

Also, something that had been on my mine since we filmed on Friday especially was how I really want the sets I’m on (most specifically the ones I’m running) to just be full of God as a way of sharing His love with others.  Most of the people I had helping me out today are non-believers, and they either know for sure I’m Christian or surely have to catch on because I talk about going to church and the like and the screenplay is a huge Christian metaphor anyway.  And of course, I really just want my whole life in general to bare testament to Christ, and I felt like I failed at that in some ways on Friday (grace, fortunately, is so amazing).

But today, God totally allowed me to bare clear testament to His presence within me!  Just the way I reacted when that guy told us we had to stop shooting - my crew members noticed and were even like, “Yeah, you acted a lot better than I would’ve.”  And it’s totally Christ in me.  And I could just feel Him stirring up His love within me to just serve and be kind to my crew, and I really pray it leaves them affected, because the love of Christ is just the most spectacular, most amazing thing to witness.  It truly changes you.  So it was cool to see Him working within me and just using me to be a light, which is awesome and humbling and really all I want to d ever.

Lastly, my DP is really cute (oh gosh, please don’t let her ever come across my tumblr haha).  Like, I’m not trying to date, but yeah.  It just was an added incentive to filmmaking today (albeit a little distracting at times, I admit haha)

Speaking of that.  The blessings don’t stop.  Then I got on facebook tonight to see I had a reply to a message thread I had kind of going with a friend who I went to college with who had messaged me after I came out (yes, out of the closet, in case you missed that whole thing a month ago).  Though straight herself, as a Christian, homosexuality in regards to Scripture is something that has been on her heart, so she had reached out to me with a super encouraging message, asking me to explain more about my beliefs in regards to homosexuality and Christianity.  This was a month, and I replied and hadn’t heard back from her, so I forgot about it.

But she replied tonight, and it was just the nicest, most affirming message that really warmed my heart, but also felt so humbled.  It wasn’t just the fact that she was on board with the points I made and held to a similar belief as I did (which is doubly awesome because not only is she a serious Christian, but a Republican, so the fact that she supports gay marriage is ridiculously amazing), but she told me a few very nice, complimentary things that were nice to see.  But further amazing is the fact that God has used my sexuality - something that is very easy to see as a burden, especially since I’m a serious Christian who’s very involved in my church - to reach people, to encourage people, to touch people.  It is seriously so amazing and gosh, so humbling.  But confirming, because He told me from the get-go that He wanted me out so He could use this for His glory, and He’s already proving to me that He meant that.  So I can’t wait to see how He continues to do such.

But it’s great to see that encouragement and just someone who is willing to open-mindedly consider the alternate side of things as opposed to immediately clinging to the “traditional side” without much thought to it.  Especially since my last facebook messages in regards to my sexuality was from a girl that I literally only talked to once for 20 minutes over a year ago, but had read my post and was concerned as my sister in Christ.

And like, I totally am on board with loving rebukes and correction - I think we’re totally called to that within in the body of believers.  But this girl literally doesn’t know me at all.  She doesn’t know my walk with Christ or anything.  And though she was definitely loving in how she went about it and did eventually ask for how I came to my “God affirms same sex relationships in the right context” belief, I felt like she only asked me that with the intent of trying to prove me wrong, not to actually truly understand and fairly consider that my viewpoint could have some legitimately validity.  It was confirmed in her response, which implied some things about my spiritual walk that she certainly wouldn’t have implied had she’d actually known me.  And like, I’m not in the business of defending my relationship with Christ (I think for better or for worse, the fruits speak for themselves) nor trying to make someone see my way when they’re clearly set in theirs (a.k.a. pointless debating) so after her response, I more or less told her, “I don’t have time to argue with you, though I definitely have rebuttals to your points.”  Because I legitimately have more important things to do lol I hope that’s not rude or inconsiderate, but God’s not calling to argue interpretations of doctrine with fellow Christians.  He’s calling me to share His love to those who have yet to experience it, so I’m putting my focus on that, you know.

I mean, I love reasonable, humble, open-minded intellectual conversations, so bring up any subject in the Bible or having to do with Christ, and I will gladly talk with you for ages and share my viewpoints as I listen to yours - it’s really one of my favorite things to do.  Like, if I could make movies every day and talk about Jesus every night - perfect.  

But I’m not going to debate.  That’s one thing I just see no need in doing, and I just won’t.  It doesn’t bother me any if some person doesn’t see things the way I do about homosexuality.  My own father doesn’t, and it doesn’t bother me at all.  Because my approval, my affirmation, my worth, my EVERYTHING is found in God.  He’s seriously all that ultimately matters, so if He and I are good, then the rest of y’all can think whatever you want about me.

But yeah, that was a weird tangent I went off of lol Point is, that message really punctuated an already amazing, Christ-filled day.  God is so good.

And I’m excited for the upcoming weeks.  One of my best friends, Beth, is coming to town on Tuesday (shoot, I still have yet to tell my roommates haha I HAVE to remember to do that tomorrow), so that is going to be spectacular.  And God’s been revealing some crazy amazing things to me lately, so I’m excited to step out in faith and see where He takes me.

So all glory be to Him!  Hallelujah, AMEN!

I can’t wait to celebrate Mother’s Day together.

:)

Jesus washed the disciples’ dirty ass feet (they didn’t have showers or proper shoes or, you know, paved roads back then, I’m pretty sure. They definitely didn’t have pedicures, so just imagine those feet).  God got down on the floor and washed filthy human feet.

Why are we, then, as Christians, so unwilling to do the slightest things of our so-called “inconvenience” for our equals though we claim to follow Christ?

Let us make ourselves uncomfortable, set ourselves aside for the benefit and service of others!

“For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” John 13:15